I offer you another reflection of the preacher to the Papal Household, Father Cantalamessa. This time, Father
Cantalamessa speaks on friendship.
"Jesus entered a village where a woman whose name was Martha welcomed him. She had a sister named Mary who
sat beside the Lord at his feet listening to him speak. Martha was burdened with much serving." The village is Bethany
and the house is that of Lazarus and his two sisters. Jesus loved to stop there and take some rest when he was traveling
near Jerusalem.
Mary was stupefied that for once she had the master all to herself and could listen in silence to the words of eternal
life that he spoke when he was taking his rest. So she sat there at his feet, as is still done today in the East. It is not
difficult to imagine Martha's half-resentful, half-joking tone when, passing by them, she says to Jesus: "Lord, do you
not care that my sister has left me by myself to do the serving? Tell her to help me." It was at this point that Jesus said
something that by itself is a mini Gospel: "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things. There is
need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken from her."
The tradition has seen in the sisters a symbol of the active and the contemplative life respectively. I think, however,
that the more evident theme is that of friendship. "Jesus loved Martha, together with her sister and Lazarus," we read
in John's Gospel (11:5). When they bring him the news of Lazarus' death he says to his disciples: "Our friend Lazarus
has fallen asleep but I am going to wake him up" (John 11:11). Faced with the sorrow of the two sisters he also breaks
down and weeps, so much so that those who are present exclaim: "See how much he loved him!" (John 11:13). It is
wonderful and consoling to know that Jesus knew and cultivated that sentiment that is so beautiful and precious for
us men -- friendship.
Of friendship we must say what St. Augustine said of time: "I know what time is but if someone asks me to explain it, I
no longer know what it is." In other words, it is easier to intuit what friendship is than to explain it in words. It is a mutual
attraction and deep understanding between two people, but it does not have a sexual component as does conjugal
love. It is a union of two souls, not two bodies. In this sense the ancients said that friendship is to have "one soul
in two bodies." It can be a stronger bond than that of family. Family consists in having the same blood in one's veins.
In friendship one has the same tastes, ideals, interests.
It is essential to friendship that it is founded on a common search for the good and the true. That which binds people
who get together to do evil is not friendship but complicity, it is "an association that corrupts," as is said in judicial
jargon.
Friendship is also different from love of neighbor. The latter must embrace everyone, even those who do not
return it, even enemies, while friendship demands reciprocity, that is, that the other corresponds to your love. Friendship
is nourished by confidences, that is, by the fact that I confide in another that which is deepest and most personal
in my thoughts and experiences.
I think Father Cantalmessa has highlighted some wonderful aspects of what friendship is and what it’s not, especially
in distinguishing friendship from family relationships as well as our Christian duty of love of neighbor. We need to
thank God for the gift of true friendship, and make sure also to thank our true friends for that gift as well.
God bless you,
Father Joseph Byerley
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